Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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