Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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