Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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