My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
