Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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