Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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