I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
