She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
