As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
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