Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
