I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
