Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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