Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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