Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
