so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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