Duck Duck Cougar?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
