I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
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