My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize