I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
