It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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