I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Randomize
