I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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