smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
