I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
my being single is dangerous.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
