Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Randomize
