Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
we're so committed to being not committed
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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