I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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