google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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