you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
