Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
