he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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