Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Randomize
