I could have mohawked her pubes.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
