Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
