false alarm. still invincible.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Randomize
