Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
