I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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