"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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