I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
