Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
