Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Just invented taco cereal.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize