there's paper in my vomit.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
