Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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