please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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