I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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