oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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