somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize