Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
