your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
