its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
