jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
No more Irish car bombs ever.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
