He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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