the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
