His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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