Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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