Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
