in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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