New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
