If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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