I just saw a hot homeless man
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
