And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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