Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
