btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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