just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
