I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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