They should really pass out barf bags in church
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
