you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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