Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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