Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
