Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
