I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
