When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
