I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Who died my cat blue again?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
