I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
