It was confusing and full of hummus
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
