im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
