My room smells like vodka and shame
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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