HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
